Friday, February 13, 2009

Push Bar to Open

"You can't stand there. You're blocking a fire exit."

Well, it's always my intention to stand blocking fire exits to ensure that everybody, including me, dies in the event of a fire. I would never simply turn around, open the doors,and leave, running faster than an Olympic athlete on performance enhancing drugs, in the event of a fire.

What steps would I take in the event of a fire?

Fucking big ones.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Britain: The Laughing Stock of The World

Like several million other Britons today, I could not get to work. Why? Because a tiny bit of snow brought roads to a halt.

A man was clearing a path to the Town Hall, then he appeared to give up and went back to his pick-up. Can't say I blame him when very few people were at work.


The roads were getting better but still not many people wanted to drive.
This car park is normally full.
So, what country do you live in, and can you get to work when there has been a tiny bit of snow, and I mean tiny bit. Tell me how you get to work in 3 foot of snow, I know you can do this, where we Brits fail.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Is this a maths test?

There must be something I don't know. Happen seventeen minutes is the ideal duration for checking email. Anyway, I didn't put myself through three hours of air travel to check my email. And why is the Russian tarif advertised per minute and not per seventeen minutes? Maybe they don't have as much to say. Or maybe they have more sense than to throw their money at telephone companies, unlike, oh, I don't know, the British.

When I originally tried to take this picture, a woman came out of the shop and screamed at me in Spanish. I couldn't understand what she was saying but am fairly sure she was going to ram the camera up the English pig's arse if he took a picture of her shop without first spending money. I scurried off and hid in a nearby tourist shop, which mostly sold the obligatory tourist crap, for a couple of minutes and went back to get the above shot, taken from a coward's angle. Nah-nah-ne-nah-nah.

While hiding in the tourist shop, pretending to be interested in paper-weights and pens which made the lady naked upon tipping, I noticed some t-shirts which told me, I *heart* Benidorm, and didn't buy one.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Spain Trip - Part 3

Ain't Gettin' in No Glass Elevator, Fool.

Living in north England, I don't see too many buildings with more than three storeys. This is where my fear of heights may come from. As you can see, Benidorm has a lot of tall buildings, probably nowhere as tall as ones you might find in New York or Tokyo. But they're tall enough for this vertigo sufferer.

The boats in the harbour give a sense of perspective. Just looking up at the rooftops made me feel dizzy. Is it possible to get vertigo from gazing upwards? I think so, though this was the first time I'd experienced it.

The one advantage of talls buildings is that you get a good view, at least for the brief period you dare look out of the window. My hotel room certainly had a view, it had a view of lots of concrete. The water in the pool had the same appeal as an ice bath, thus, nobody ever went in it. Why bother when you can walk in the sea without the slightest chill. And the view is better.

Spain is a deeply religious country and there are beautiful looking little churches everywhere. This religious culture might go some way toward explaining why the Spanish are so hard-working. And they certainly are hard-working; they never once complain about anything during their extremely long working day and night. I couldn't help but think that both the Church of England and the RC Churches in England have not done much to accomodate the expanding population in England, and maybe this is why Christianity is failing here; the churhes don't have the capacity for the township. Well, that and there's a stuffiness associated with some churches. I'm sure that, even if God does exists, he wouldn't mind people turning up to Church in torn work jeans and paint spattered t-shirts.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

In Inverted Commas #1

"Sell a man a fish, he eats for a day, teach a man how to fish, you ruin a wonderful business opportunity." - Karl Marx (allegedly) rewords a Chinese proverb to suit the capitalist thinker.